Erich Stauffer

Blog

  • Everything I Know About Trees

    There are really only two types of trees. There are the trees you know and the trees you don’t. Some trees have needles and some have leaves. Some get naked in winter, while others keep their clothes on. Some trees make nuts and some make fruit. But really, there are just two types of trees.

    https://youtu.be/o_nS5hJyeOY

    Conifers

    Pine Trees

    There’s really just two types of pine trees: the White Pine and the Red Pine. You can think of these as Jacob and Esau. White Pines, like Jacob, have smooth skin, while Red Pines have rough, hairy skin. White and Jacob both have 5 letters to their names, which matches their number of needles. Red Pines have 2 needles. That’s where it sort of breaks down.

    Bald Cypruses

    There are two types of Evergreens. One keeps most of its needles in the winter and the other, the Bald Cyprus, drops them all like a bad habit. They like wet environments and their cones look more like nuts whose shell crumbles in your hand. They are known for their ‘knees’, which is what people call the roots when they grow up out of the ground. They don’t seem to have their act together. Bald Cypruses? More like Bad Cypruses.

    Streets

    Maple Trees

    There are two types of Maple Trees: Silver Maple and all of the others. Besides Red Maple, you don’t really need to know the difference between soft Silver Maples and the other hard maples. Silver Maples twist when they grow, have rough bark, and make helicopters out of their seeds. Hard maples grow slower, make better Jack Daniels, and can be used to make syrup.

    Poplar Trees

    Good luck telling the difference between a Poplar and a Cottonwood tree, but you’ll only find one in your local hardware store. Both are found near water and make fuzzy seeds in the summer, but only one is advertised and sold as a naturally water-repellent wood that’s good for outdoor trim. Poplar is the PNG to Pine’s JPG.

    Flowering Trees

    Magnolia Trees

    There are two types of Magnolia Trees. There is a tree version and a plant version. The plant version is called Rhododendron. They both have big, waxy leaves and they make flowers in the spring. I’ve seen them grow wild in Tennessee and I’ve seen them planted in Washington D.C.. One gave us a Vice President and the other gave us the Internet.

    Pear Trees

    There are two types of Pear trees, those that make fruit and those that make flowers with no intention of ever actually making fruit. Though you may wish your city streets were lined with luscious fruit this summer, what you’ll find is dried up flower petals instead as the Flowering Pear Tree is one of the most common trees planted in cities in the Midwest.

    Nut Trees

    Walnut Trees

    There are two types of Walnut trees: the ones you want and the ones you have. While Walnut is an expensive wood product, it not only makes nuts, but can drive you there as well. If you’ve ever picked up a walnut in it’s skin and spent the rest of the day trying to wash the black tar off of your hands, you’ll know which side of the camp you find yourself in: Team Jacob.

    Hickory Trees

    There are two types of Hickory trees: the ones used to make boats and the ones with shaggy bark. One chose the path to be great. The other chose to be a accessible. The Shagbark Hickory encourages you to break off a piece of its skin, take it with you, and hide it under a co-workers keyboard. “It will be hilarious when he finds it,” the Shagbark thinks to himself.

    Fruit Trees

    Apple Trees

    When given a choice, this tree will choose making more limbs over making more fruit. It’s only through discipline that it can be trimmed to create what really matters, the fruit of inspiration and innovation, the deliciousness created from sunlight and dirt.

    Mulberry Trees

    A favorite among birds, second only to Cherries, this tree could not grow straight if it’s life depended on it. It’s bark more like a Hedgeapple tree than a Pear, it makes berries like a common vine. Scorned by the more popular bush by the same name, this tree is the Greece of the tree world, reaching junk status by the ease of it’s growth potential.

  • Today in 1994: A Story

    This is my attempt to tell you what I did on January 19, 2012 using only the language available in 1994:

    I woke up this morning at 5:20, a full 10 minutes before the alarm clock on my dresser was to go off. My wife didn’t want the alarm to wake the baby so she told me to get up and turn it off before-hand. I checked the mail box before I left to see if I had any letters, but it was empty.

    By 6:45 I was standing in the lobby of Sunshine Cafe at the corner of 116th and Meridian waiting for the BNI Network Masters meeting to start. It was my first meeting as an official member. I ordered biscuits and gravy, letting my wife know the cost by writing out a letter and dropping it in the mail to her.

    At 9 AM I deposited a check into the bank through the drive-up window at the corner of 116th and Rangeline before driving to Southport. Again, I wrote a letter to my wife informing her of the deposit and dropped it in the mail. I arrived at my client’s office at 10 AM. I had zoned out and passed 31 and 37, having to double-back at Mann Road.

    At the client’s office, I installed a battery backup to the server, a cable box for the TV, and a COM link on a PC. I then had my mouth filled with puddy to make a mold for a snoring appliance and almost puked on the pregnant hygienist. Then I went to Jack in the Box and waited in line long enough to decide to leave. It was 12:15 AM. I knew this because I looked at the clock in my car. While I was at Jack in the Box, I let all of my friends know I was there by sending out 75 post cards. Nobody wrote back.

    I had a job interview at 1 so I drove towards it until I found a China Buffet. They only took cash so I had to drive to the bank and withdraw some cash. They had peppered chicken, but it had onions in it. The egg rolls were okay, but the crab ragun was dry. The soup was good, but they kept it in an open bowl that dried out the top and sludged over the cup when I poured it. I liked that they had soy sauce at the table. You paid after you ate, which delayed me some, but I arrived at the interview at 12:50.

    I walked in the front door of the office, which looked like a shanty-town of workstations. A lady asked me what I was here for. I told her and then asked her what she did. She said she was the boss. She apparently was married to the boss, which also makes her the boss. She had brown hair. The HR lady came and got me, took me upstairs and I asked her how long she’d been married. She’s been married 6 months, the same amount of time she’s been an HR manager. I told them I had a fetish for visiting conference rooms. They laughed.

    At 2 PM I found a payphone to call my wife. She asked me to buy laundry detergent at Sam’s Club. She had packed a picture of the detergent we use in my front pocket so I knew which type to get. After I left Sam’s Club I drove to a client’s house to look at their daughter’s PC.

    No one was home when I arrived so I walked into the back door, which was open, and started working on the PC. It had many viruses. While I was working on the PC, the owners wife came home, waived, and took a miter saw into the garage for several minutes. She came back and said she was very cold. She also pointed out that I was wearing brown socks with black shoes and then proceeded to give me a pair of black socks. I did not put them on, but instead put them in my briefcase. She also gave me a banana. I felt bad eating it in front of her, but I did.

    At 5 PM I traveled to a meeting where Gerry Dick was speaking so that I could get some free food. They had baked potato medallions with sour cream, mini-bagels with cheese and pineapple, miniature boneless chicken wings with ranch sauce, cornbread and cream cheese jelly squares, and celery. I ate a lot of celery. There was a Ukrainian woman there trying to sell me her services. I asked if her friend was from Ukraine too and she said, “No, Russia” inasmuch a way as you can spit a word. I sent another letter to my wife and then drove to another meeting.

    I was having trouble finding the second meeting so I stopped and bought a map from the gas station. I had printed out the instructions with the address, but I still didn’t know how to get there. The map got me to the general vicinity, but all I could see was a high school so I parked and went inside. The room number was H321. I looked for a map on the wall of the school, but couldn’t find one. I did however find a table full of cheese and crackers, but being full from the previous meeting I left the group of people to their cake and punch.

    The halls were all marked with letters. I saw A on the left and J on the right. I walked toward the J and found H. “I am close” I thought. I eventually found H, but only found rooms starting with 1 so i went upstairs. There the rooms only went to 2 so I went downstairs. I was getting very upset and willing to leave, but just then I found a map on the wall. The map confirmed that there was no room in this building called H321.

    I then went to the local library and looked up the facility in a book. There I found a map of a second building that contained a room H321. I walked back to this other building, which was behind the high school and used the map on the wall to find the class room. The food looked like it had been provided by a concession stand going out of business. There were two single-serving potato chip bags, a large bag of Crunch and Munch, some bruised strawberries, and some blackberries. I put a little bit of all of it on my plate and sat down. It was 6 PM.

  • Stereotypes

    Stereotypes of young professionals I learned last night from interaction with some college kids last night at a meetup:

    They think being an entrepreneur means coding an app. They don’t know how to make paper airplanes. They use their Mac laptops as word processors. They use Twitter to communicate (via app on their phones, not SMS). They think assembly lines are inneficient based on a paper they wrote in high school. They don’t like Mountain Dew because it decays stuff fast. They prefer cities that offer mass transit because they are hard wired to preserve carbon and cash.

    Here’s what hasn’t changed:

    They love pizza. They have passion. They have new ideas. They’re willing to drive to another city to learn more (road trip!). They think they know everything, but are still willing to learn. We need them.

  • Pain

    In business, I’ve been able to maintain my bills so far, but this week has been the closest ever. It gets scary sometimes, but I do enjoy the freedom.

    Seth Godin wrote recently that we’ll always have pain, so we should stop thinking that the next gig will be pain-free. It helped me realize I have that mindset of thinking that “if I just get a better client, I won’t have the pain, or if I just get a better job, I won’t have the pain.” The pain comes from living in a fallen world I think and it’s going to be with us till we get to heaven.

    Personally, I’m struggling to get my weight down. All that eating to stay awake with the paper route hasn’t gone away. Part of the reason I left First Merchants was to eat better, eat less, and exercise more. I’ve done those things, but I’m still the same weight. I think the only thing left is to do some lifting or muscle building.

  • Friendly Professionals

    I want to focus on what we actually do and what we are good at. We aren’t really a web design shop, we are a WordPress design shop so that is what I want to focus on. We aren’t selling WordPress designs though, we are selling web site interactivity – the ability for a user to login and change content – essentially BlueBoards and BlueMessenger is now the core product, but we are just being more transparent in saying that we are selling WordPress installations which will allow for that functionality. We won’t have to hide that we are using WordPress, we can promote it because its well supported and adopted.

    Second, since we are selling the ability to edit their own website, we will also be selling the ability to manage their own email using Google Apps. This is secondary, but it falls into the primary selling point – control. We give the customers control of their website and their email, something they may have felt powerless to control in the past.

    We are also FRIENDLY PROFESSIONALS. That is who we are as people and in every business capacity we serve in from Telablue to Neighborhood Geeks. That is what sets us apart from the competition in this world.

    Telablue is a WordPress implementation shop serving the greater Indianapolis area. We specialize in developing web sites for WordPress using professional web design techniques. WordPress is an open source, fully supported content management system (CMS) that was originally developed for blogs, but can be used for almost anything. We chose WordPress because it allows our clients to manage their own content if they so choose, not to mention all the built-in functionality like search and RSS.

    Another one of WordPress’ greatest features is the ability to add software called plug-ins that add functionality for SEO, web forms, or social media, just to name a few examples. And for those who stay up at night worrying, WordPress has backup tools and we at Telablue use international web port monitoring to make sure your web site is up at all times.

    If you are unsatisfied with your current web designer, want more functionality and visitors, or are looking to get started online for the first time, let us show you how friendly, personable, and professional we can be. We can setup a tour of WordPress and go over your needs. The first consultation is free. New web sites start at $1200 for base design and implementation. Existing web sites can be ported to WordPress for as little as $600. Hosting starts at $125 a year and marketing packages start at $150 a month.

    NOTE: Telablue Web Design and SEO was an Indianapolis-area based, WordPress shop, specializing in developing user-editable WordPress themes and templates or transferring current web sites to WordPress installations. It was converted to Watershawl in 2010 and now operates as “Erich Stauffer”.

  • Job Interview – A Review

    It started out with a verbal technical questionnaire about how I’d merge two data sets. They were mostly Access questions and I didn’t do too hot on these. They use Access to update customer lists using the ‘join’ functions (apparently).

    Next, I was sat in front of a computer with sample data and asked to do something with it. This was similar to Jason’s rapid fire exercises except that he was sitting there watching everything I did and I had no example functions to copy.

    Finally, there was the general discussion and question time. I discussed how I’d given presentations of data to mid-level executives and that I used Tufte’s principals. It turns out that he had gone to the very same presentation in Indianapolis that Jason had and had recently just published his first supergraphic. They also had been using Tufte’s sparklines program until they upgraded to 2010, which is what I was using. Yes, it’s different than 2007. That was fun, too.

    I had no reactions greatly in either way from the guy. I’m not even sure if he’s the one making the decision. If I had to guess I’d say he’s leaning to the no side, but that’s on the transparent metrics like memorization of functions and experience presenting in front of a board of directors. If he measures my other qualities like equal height, same hair color, similar demeanor, and ability to show up on time I think I’m golden.

  • Gateway Board Games

    A non-exhaustive list of board games for new board gamers.

    Gateway Games (1 to 1 1/2 hours playtime / Simple Rulesets)

    Medium Weight Games (1 1/2 – 2 hours playtime / Intermediate Rulesets)

    Heavy Games (2 – 3 hours playtime / Time to teach/learn 30 minutes)

    Large Format Games (3+ hours / Extremely complex Rulesets)

    Disclaimer: DO NOT START WITH THESE GAMES

    My Top 5 Favorites

  • Good Guy Greg

    “It is entirely inconceivable to the world that Steve Jobs would have been given a resurrection body that is imperishable only for the purpose of being able to endure God’s wrath into eternity future. We Christians do a great unloving disservice to the world when we don’t affirm the theology of hell – the gospel without an unmerited escape from God’s wrath doesn’t make sense.”

    I read today that the gates of hell were locked from the inside. That didn’t make sense to me. Death is scary. Hell is scary. Both are pretty much unknowns as no one seems to come back (accept the one who did, but he left to sit and intercede and stuff).

    What does the world need? More hell? Earth’s pretty bad sometimes. I just wish people would realize they are being given every breath they take from God. I have to admit this conversation is somewhat biased by one of the top 10 albums of all time, just Don’t Let it Break Your Heart.

    People don’t care what you know. They just want to know you care. WE CARE A LOT. Be a good guy, Greg.

  • Why Warby Parker Will Be the Next Apple

    Warby Parker, the fashion company specializing in discount, specialty eyeglasses, is in the perfect position to take over the next wave in personal, wearable computing via Google Glass.

    After recently raising almost $37 million in venture capital the eyeglasses company, Warby Parker, seems poised to do more than just make ultra-hip eyewear with a side of delicious customer service. Investors are known for looking ahead to future trends and it’s now become obvious that augmented-reality glasses are the new future of mobile devices. The popularity of Warby Parker and Google’s need for an existing market base makes them good partners as product designer, McKay Thomas, pointed out on September 11, 2012, stating, “Like any new piece of hardware looking for its first customer base, Google Glass, Google’s heads-up display device, needs a distribution platform. A platform for Google’s eyeglasses attachment could offer a sales channel, as well as type of social proof that it is acceptable to use the new wearable computer.” Filmmaker, Albert Art, agrees, stating, “IF Google decides to team up with an eyewear company, might I suggest Warby Parker.”

    As LeVar Burton once said, “But don’t take my word for it.” Warby Parker is hiring a “Principal Software Engineer, Computer Vision” who can “develop computer / machine vision applications that make our company succeed.”

    Why Compare Warby Parker to Apple?

    As Marc Andreessen said on August 20, 2011, “Software is eating the world,” and as David Kirkpatrick argued in Forbes, “Every company is a software company.” Warby Parker is no exception. At their very core they are a e-commerce store, which is it’s very nature, software running on a web server, but it’s more than that. They have “virtual try-on” functions on their website that allow you to upload a picture and see what you look like without every touching a frame. They have developed a pattern for making money and an e-commerce blueprint for how to be successful in 2013 and beyond. This includes doing things like hiring directors of Data Science, Software Engineering, and Computer Vision. Nokia was the number one smartphone manufacture for 15 years and until Apple started making the iPhone they were pretty hard to unseat. Warby Parker has already begun to unseat Luxottica in a $16 Billion dollar industry. If they can develop a platform for Google Glass or other wearable, augmented reality applications from Microsoft like Apple did with iTunes, they can create the one-two punch of selling the hardware and the applications developed for them. It’s safe to assume Google will want to do the same with Google Play, but unless they go the route they did of developing their own Nexus smartphones and purchasing Motorola they are unlikely to control the eyeglass market and will need someone like Warby Parker to deliver their products.