Erich Stauffer

Blog

  • How to Convert Shopperpress Custom Post-Type Articles to WordPress Posts

    Recently I wrote about how to setup a blog on Shopperpress, which then led one of my readers to ask about what happens to the custom post-type articles Shopperpress uses for the blog functionality when you convert to another theme or want to move your content to another site or ecommerce platform?

    I saw your Shopperpress post, and I just wondered if you could give me any advice. I probably will move from Shopperpress to another platform in the near future. But for now, is it OK to use the “new-articles” function on WordPress to write articles/blog posts? I just wondered if I did this, would the blog posts be transferable from Shopperpress to the new cart I purchase? I just was a little confused by your blog post that’s all. I currently use the “article” template from Shopperpress on my blog page.

    I haven’t tested it, but I believe that posts written as “articles” are custom post-types, which don’t display natively without the plugin or theme calling them specifically. This means that if you were to switch themes, your articles would not display unless the new theme specifically went looking for them.

    Switching to a different shopping cart platform is an entirely different matter unless you were referring to a different WordPress plugin like WP-Ecommerce, which I don’t recommend. If switching to Big Commerce, you’d probably have to copy and paste it all in manually so make sure you do some sort of backup that makes sense to you before switching over.

    I haven’t actually written any blog posts thus far, I’m just in the process of setting it up. Is there an alternative than using the “article” post type to write blog posts? Basically, Shopperpress has hijacked the “posts” option on WordPress to create new products instead. So I can’t create blog posts that way. Is there an easy way to write blog posts on Shopperpress that are easy to move to a new shopping cart if I did move? I don’t know if doing it manually in the future is particularly appealing.

    You’re right in that Shopperpress uses the normal “posts” option to post products. Your options for moving custom post-types like Shopperpress articles to normal WordPress post-types involve using a plugin like pTypeConverter or Post Type Convertr. Your other option is to use a plugin like Backup WordPress.

    Wordpress Post Type Converter

  • Icy Sky – a Short, Cold Story

    The temperature dropped so fast my ears popped. I first felt the cold in my groin as my gonads retreated up into my body. I too would have to find shelter and fast. I looked around, but all I could see were sticks and trees. There was no cover, no bushes, no overpass, no cave. I would have settled for a cleft in the rock to give me some reprieve from the rising wind and the stifling cold.

    My fingers began to stiffen as I walked even as I clenched them inside my pant pockets. I remembered the Jack London story, To Build a Fire, which was a perfect example of a Man vs. Nature story. It was one that I did not wish to be a part of particularly due to the ending. I remember the biscuits and the bacon grease he kept tucked against his chest and how his dog had abandoned him. “Maybe I should light a fire,” I thought.

    Icy SkyThere was still no shade from the wind and all the wood was slightly damp. I remembered a story they told in Boy Scout camp about a challenge set forth to all the boys one night on a camping trip. Snow had befallen their camp and each boy was given the task of building their own fire. No one could do it because all of the wood they found was too wet – all but one boy.

    He was older than the other boys in his troop and also more experienced. You learn a lot of things in Boy Scouts such as how to tie knots or build fires, but what you’re really learning is troubleshooting skills and self-reliance all while leaning how to interact with others and respect your environment. The boy’s solution was simple. While other boys we’re frantically burning through matches and adjusting their “tee-pee”, “log cabins”, and other fire-building designs. He was patiently chipping away at the side of a large log with his hand ax. By the time he was done he had cut through the wet, outer wood into the dry center. While they were out looking for dry tinder, he had created a pile of dry kindling by which he was easily able to start a fire – which he did – right there atop that log.

    I had no axe. I had no cover. And I had no time. The thing about troubleshooting is that you’re not always looking for the solution. It’s just as valuable to figure out what doesn’t work. If one way doesn’t work, the opposite must be right. I like to think there are two types of problem solvers. There are those who when faced with a problem take flight, climb up stairs, or jump. And there are those who stick their head in the sand, hide in the cellar, or bury their head in their pillows. I brought a shovel.

    I began to dig. It was a small, fold-able shovel, meant for digging small fire pits or latrines, but it was all I had. I immediately ran into roots and rock. This was not going to work. I was going to die. I prayed to God to rescue me! “Why had I not done this before?” I thought. What made me think I didn’t need him everyday of my life?

    Just then the sun came out and just as soon as the cold came, the heat returned. It was a freak storm, but one that reminded me of just how out of control we really are. We need Jesus in our lives because he is our rock and our only path to eternal life. The God who made us sent his Son to die for us because that’s ho much he loves us. We are commanded to love and obey Him. This is a choice we all make.

  • Top Posts and Keywords for December 2012

    In this 714th post, I discuss my top content, keywords, and income for this website.

    Ecclesiastes 3:5 says that there is, “A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away (NLT).” Since 2007 I have been purchasing domains for speculation or use, but lately I have been condensing the total number of domains I own. Most of the time I roll them into this blog, but this led to a big pile of disjointed posts that had no real, central meaning. I recently spent a day consolidating the post categories down to 9 main categories + 1 called “Tweets” and then redesigned the homepage to showcase the last 3 posts with a thumbnail + the most popular posts + the last 5 posts from the 9 main categories. This is how I overcame the problem. Looking back, the solution seems simple, but there was a lot of work in eliminating and combining categories for hundreds of posts + the custom programming of the home page to do what it’s doing “automatically”.

    Here is a List of Former Domains Included in ErichStauffer.com:

    • mapstrings.com
    • managingactions.com
    • lostpost.net
    • professionaltechnologyconsulting.com
    • geekhand.com
    • watershawl.com
    • telablue.com
    • yourscor.com
    • white-roof.com

    Audience Overview

    The spike in traffic you see at the left edge of the image above is from combining all posts from the old Watershawl site into this blog. As you can see, the traffic didn’t continue and tapered off, despite leaving the posts in place. Total visits were 2,268 with 2,077 being unique. There were 3,504 pageviews with 1.54 pages per visit. The bounce rate was 75.13%, which is slightly higher than last month. Most people used Chrome (25.5%) followed by Internet Explorer (22.5%), Firefox (20.9%), and Safari (18.5%). Most visits were from New York City (166) followed by Fishers, Indiana (35), San Francisco (33), Chicago (26) and Indianapolis (25). Internet Explorer being topped by Chrome means that the addition of new technical content on mobile devices and query strings has attracted a more technical crowd compared to last month.

    Top 10 Content

    The three posts to fall out of the top ten were Arnart’s Erich Stauffer Fake Hummels (45), Collegeclub.com Email (49), and My CEO Heroes (6).

    Top 10 Keywords

    VINTAGE ARNART CERAMIC FIGURINE- BOY PLAYING BANJO BY ERICH STAUFFER

    • erich stauffer – 55 visits
    • collegeclub.com – 39 visits
    • forward text messages to email – 22 visits
    • college club website – 13 visits
    • erich stauffer figurines – 13 visits
    • arnart imports – 12 visits
    • erich stauffer collectibles – 11 visits
    • collegeclub email – 10 visits
    • erich stauffer figurine prices – 10 visits
    • erich stauffer 8515 – 9 visits

    Despite the new, technical content from Watershawl.com, the only change in the top keywords was the addition of “forward text messages to email.”

    Top 10 Sources

    Erich Stauffer on Twitter

    • google.com – 102 visits
    • t.co – 38 visits
    • m.facebook.com – 10 visits
    • google.co.uk – 7 visits
    • facebook.com – 6 visits
    • watershawl.com – 6 visits
    • google.com.br – 5 visits
    • iphoneunity.com – 5 visits
    • google.de – 4 visits
    • google.pl – 4 visits

    I was pleased to see Twitter (t.co) in the mix this time and I am sure this has mostly to do with my testing of the Tweetily plugin to automatically and randomly send links to old WordPress posts.

    Income Stats

    Amazon Associates Affiliate Program: 82 Items Ordered – 78 Items Shipped – $150 Advertising Fees
    Google Adsense: $127 Estimate

  • 2012 Year in Blogging Annual Report

    If you use Jetpack for WordPress, every January you’ll get a “2012 Year in Blogging Annual Report”. Here is mine from this past year:

    Crunchy numbers

    4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 29,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 7 Film Festivals. In 2012, there were 63 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 260 posts. The busiest day of the year was April 30th with 592 views. The most popular post that day was Email is Dead, Long Live Email.

    Attractions in 2012

    These are the posts that got the most views in 2012. You can see all of the year’s most-viewed posts in your Site Stats.

    Some of your most popular posts were written before 2012. Your writing has staying power! Consider writing about those topics again.

    How did they find you?

    The top referring sites in 2012 were:

    • hobbyplow.com
    • Google Reader
    • facebook.com
    • news.ycombinator.com
    • twitter.com

    Some visitors came searching, mostly for “erich stauffer”, “erich stauffer figurines”, “collegeclub.com”, “mexican cat”, and “designed by erich stauffer”.

    Where did they come from?

    135 countries in all! Most visitors came from The United States, but the United Kingdom & Canada were not far behind.

    Who were they?

    Your most commented on post in 2012 was Noise.

    These were your 5 most active commenters:

    • 1. Robby Slaughter 6 COMMENTS
    • 2. J Brock 2 COMMENTS
    • 3. Jessica Poux 1 COMMENT
    • 4. Blake 1 COMMENT

    Perhaps I should follow their blog or send them a thank you note? View the full report here.

  • Upstate – a Short Story

    The phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, but because it was from my father’s area code I decided to answer. It was the hospital. He had had a heart attack.

    I drove up north to see him. I was afraid of what I’d find. That town, it grinds you down. My father, he runs a liquor store there. They sell mostly beer and cheap whiskey.

    When I saw my father he didn’t even bother to turn and look at me. His stubbled face sat staring at the ceiling as he spoke. He blamed me for my mothers death.

    I asked how he was feeling. He said he wanted me to take over the store. I told him I have a life back in the city. He said I have a dog. I told him I wasn’t doing it.

    UpstateI’ve been running the store now for five weeks. The worst part about it is not the ugly drunks that come in and spend their son’s lunch money on boos. The worse part is that there’s nothing better than that in this town. Nothing better except Charlotte.

    She grew up three houses down from me and every once in a while, from behind the counter I can see her curly black hair driving that red pickup truck through our dull gray town. My waive turns into a reach as I begin to lean into the counter and then she is gone.

    My dad loves his new dog. He named my dog Frank and feeds him hot dogs and ketchup. By the time I get back from the store its all I can do to make microwave-able macaroni and cheese.

    I sit down to watch the game and just then I hear a knock on the door. Before I could look up from the handle, Charlotte pries her way into my door frame. She’s going on about being chased by some drunk boyfriend. I knew who it was but I played dumb. I told her she could take my car to stay at a hotel. She thanked me and that’s how I lost my dog and my car.

  • eCommerce Blueprint 2.0

    I started writing this in January of 2013 in response to the original E-Commerce Blueprint from December of 2012, but now, 2 years later, I have more perspective after having helped several e-commerce companies get started.

    In 2013 I wrote a basic outline of things I felt were important ways to market an e-commerce business: pounding the flesh (pounding the streets and pressing flesh) as well as magazine adverts, Google Adwords, and trade shows.

    Here was my eCommerce Blueprint 2.0 from 2013:

    • Rough Plateau map
    • Buy the domain
    • Build Twitter and Facebook
    • Finalize design request / brand identity document
    • Hire a designer
    • Research product manufacturers
    • Buy a few products
    • Hire a video company
    • Do a Kickstarter campaign
    • Order original inventory

    I recommended Shopify but thought it was worthwhile to mention Squarespace. Lately, both are still fine platforms, but let’s dive into why the list from above is nearly worthless. First of all, what does “Rough Plateau map” even mean?

    Instead of going through them one-by-one, I’m just going to say that this list assumes you have a) a clear idea of the problem you’re solving, b) a known business model (i.e. I do X and I get paid), c) someone to actually do the work.

    Setting up a business in 2015 is incredibly easy. Creating a company that makes money is still hard.

    What Problem Are You Solving?

    There has to be a raison d’être (reason for being). How are you moving someone away from pain or towards pleasure? Do your customers love your product or service? It’s very easy to build a brand, but it’s very hard to build one people care about.

    How Will Your Business Make Money?

    How will you do “X” to get “$” in a repeatable fashion? Discovering the process for acquiring a customer for less than their average customer value (ACV) is called a “business model” and means you actually have a business.

    Who Will Do the Work?

    Even if you have a solution to a legitimate problem people have, customers love you, and you’ve found a way to acquire them for less than ACV, you still need to have someone to actually do the work.

    While at first it may sound obvious, ‘actually doing the work’ is quite complicated. It’s not a hard problem like ‘discovering a business model’, it’s a wet problem because we’re dealing with humans.

    Building a company in 2015 still requires human capital. Somebody has to do the work. Even if you hire someone to do the work for you, they have to actually do the work. No one wants to do the work.

    Who Has the Time to Work?

    It starts with an idea (1,2). You have the best intentions. You’re pumped. You’re excited. You start working on the problem. You get some traction. People are interested. People are buying. It’s time to hire.

    At an e-commerce business, typically the first person you hire is a person to help ship orders. Next, you hire someone to help with customer service issues. Third, you hire a salesperson to get more accounts.

    As you add more staff, you need more income so you decide to hire a marketing person, who then needs to hire a graphic designer to help create content for the website. Soon, you’re spending all of your time in meetings.

    Meanwhile, the first person you hired to ship orders has worked there long enough and seen enough new people hired that they feel entitled to either become a manager, move on to another organization, or hire someone under them to do what they do.

    “I need to get things off my plate so I can ‘X’,” you might here someone say. Or “I just need someone to help me do ‘Y’ so I can do my job.” These are all signs of humans trying to get out of the thing they were hired to do: work.

    But it’s not just employees. You’ll do it too. You’ll say to yourself, “I can’t ship boxes or write a blog post because I’m the CEO. I need to be out there pounding flesh and signing deals. I need to be leading my people to greatness.”

    All of these things can be true and still be wrong.

    There is a time to hire new people and there is a time to lead instead of produce, but make sure it’s not out of a place of selfishness or entitlement. It’s human nature to want to be doing less work and get paid more.

    How to Manage Your e-Commerce Staff

    Let’s say you have already figured out what people want, how to get customers, and you’re profitable. You’ve created a lifestyle business, but you want to scale it into a bigger company. You need to take things to the next “Plateau”.

    You decide to hire more sales staff and you ask the person shipping to help post to social media. On a whim, you decide to have a sale. Someone suggests a new product idea and you okay the development. Things are starting to hum.

    But then salespeople start fighting about one person stealing their leads or who gets credit for what. They don’t like the CRM they are using and not everyone is leaving contact activity notes leading to some embarrassing interactions.

    The warehouse specialists says he needs an inventory system to keep track of all these new products, but since he’s the one who has to ship out the orders, he’s subconsciously sabotaging marketing efforts with his blog posts.

    You decide to hire an outside IT consultant to come in and help implement and train your staff on how to use the new systems, but despite all the upgrades, sales begin to flatline, all while productivity and culture declines.

    People > Processes > Technology > Marketing > Sales

    Your people are your most important asset. It matters greatly who you hire. People affect culture, marketing, attitudes, and product decisions. Early hires have more impact, but every person impacts the company in some way.

    Processes built on the right people can be used with better effect, but bad processes don’t help the company. Be sure that the processes you have in place are known, are useful, and are being used. Ask them to do it and ask if they did it.

    Technology is a multiplier of people and processes. If you have good people in place with good processes, then invest in technology to support them, they will be happy, productive, and may actually enjoy doing the work.

    Once you’ve got all of those things in place, you can focus on marketing because you know with confidence that you’re not throwing good money against people who will turn customers away either consciously or unconsciously.

    A good marketing campaign supports a sales team – and if you’re going to take your e-commerce company from a lifestyle business to a large company, you need a great sales team. Sales will help you grow more than marketing.

    A good manager asks people to do something and asks them if they did it.

    What is My eCommerce Blueprint for 2015?

    If I were starting an e-commerce business in 2015, here’s what I would do, in order, if I were one person with no capital:

    1. Research trends in Google Trends, eBay, Yahoo Answers, Quora, and Google Autocompletes
    2. Pick a trend and research a vertical/niche that has the problem and cash to buy the solution
    3. Pick a vertical/niche and then start calling people in that niche to see if they have the problem and would pay for the solution
    4. Research a solution for the problem and how much it would cost to buy or manufacture
    5. Call people in your vertical/niche and ask them to buy the solution you found for more than it costs
    6. If they agree to buy it, give them a way for them to buy it (i.e. a PayPal button or Square on your phone)
    7. If they buy it, then use the money to buy or build the thing and then deliver the product to the customer
    8. Get feedback from the customer on the product, ask for testimonials, get pictures of people using the product
    9. Use the materials to create a website to sell the product on either Shopify or Squarespace
    10. Setup social media channels (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, Youtube, and Google+)
    11. Setup email list on Mailchimp and add the signup form to the website
    12. Write blog posts that answer people’s questions and post out on social media
    13. Reach out to relevant bloggers and offer to write blog posts for their sites
    14. Social bookmark from sites like Reddit, Delicious, and Digg
    15. Call prospects in the vertical/niche and ask them to buy

  • 10 New Business Ideas

    I closed my web design and IT consulting business in 2012 and plan on starting a new business in 2013. It wasn’t that the old business was failing. It was a success, I just wanted to do something different, something that was easier to scale up without adding employees (at least not right away), and the name (Watershawl) just didn’t make sense anymore.

    I am a professional!
    I am a professional!
    Why Start Your Own Business?

    One of my primary reasons for wanting to run my own business is to be able to hire workers just as I was hired when I first started out. I think of it as the natural progression of things and as a way to give back to the community who has given so much to me. The secondary reason is the scheduling freedom it allows.

    With that in mind, here are some business ideas I am considering in 2013:

    Start an eCommerce Business

    I’ve done affiliate marketing for around four years now, but I’m ready for the higher margins associated with e-commerce. It all started when I realized that three of my clients were doing e-commerce and I kept getting job requests from e-commerce companies. After I continually got told I was over-qualified I began to realize that I should probably start my own e-commerce business. The only issue now is in deciding what product to sell, which is not easy. In fact, there isn’t much about e-commerce that is easy, but it is a proven business model.

    Start an Alternative Energy Installer Business

    When you consider how many homes and businesses still don’t have solar, wind, or other alternative energy sources connected to them, the opportunity seems huge, but when you look up on a cloudy, winter day in Indiana it seems like there could be better businesses to start. It may be better to start a business simply painting roofs white in the summer. There are companies in Indiana doing this though, mostly up north.

    Start an eCommerce Consulting Business

    When I think about all I’ve learned from e-commerce in 2012 and couple that with my web design, SEO, and affiliate marketing knowledge I seem like a good candidate for an e-commerce consultant or what the customer might call a ‘ecommerce web designer’. I have experience with WordPress and WP-Ecommerce, but I recommend BigCommerce or Shopify.

    Start a Restaurant

    This is one of the most capital-intensive and risky things you could do, but I’ve always had the desire to own and run one. I’d serve chili with cut celery sticks (like a Bloody Mary) and put sliced pickles in our grilled cheese sandwiches. And since community involvement is one of the trends in 2013 I’d hold contests for creating and naming new menu items. Scotty’s does a good job of this and with social media.

    Start an ePublishing Company

    I see a trend towards self-publishing ebooks and even traditional paper books, but although this process had become easier it still requires some graphic design, layout, and technical knowledge not to mention basic editing, sales, and marketing techniques. There could be a need in the Indianapolis area for a digital book consultant service based on some feedback I’ve gotten through presentations and meetings I had in 2012.

    Start a Content Management Company

    Content managers are relatively new job roles that are a direct result of the amount of information now stored in company Intranets, business blogs, and e-commerce sites. Because of the ease of creation and the fact that content marketing is so important to SEO, the sheer amount of content each organization has to maintain has created the need for content management services. This interests me because I like to organize the world’s information (like Google).

    Start an Affiliate Marketing Business

    Although I have been doing affiliate marketing for a while now, you could say I haven’t been too methodical about it. By applying systems, consistency, and dedicated effort to affiliate marketing, I could turn this side hobby into a real business. Although the margins can be lower than traditional e-commerce, there is no inventory to store and ship. This is the least capital-intensive, but still requires a lot of work to be successful.

    Start a Business Consulting Company

    I believe management is an important component of a business’ success. As a business analyst I helped business owners create systems to manage their business by analyzing, summarizing, and reporting on my findings to business owners. I did this as a technology consultant, but most of the time IT work was very little of what I did. There seems to be a need in the Indianapolis market for people with advanced Excel and Visio skills, but the trends are moving more towards analyzing SQL and other types of databases which require programming languages I don’t know.

    Start a Dental Consulting Business

    Independent dental offices are usually ran by either the dentist alone or the dentist and an office manager. They don’t usually have their own marketing or IT staff, but have the need for both marketing and IT services. There is a steep learning curve to understanding dental procedures and their specialized software (ex. Dentrix, Eaglesoft, Practiceworks). It also helps to know HIPAA laws, CPR and OSHA requirements, and systems for how to greet, treat, and keep patients. On top of all of that there is staff efficiency, utilization models, report tracking, and HR issues. It is amazing how complex one dental office really is and so there are many ways to add value through consulting services.

    Start a Mobile Device Consulting Company

    I actually started one of these in 2011 called “Geek Hand”, but I may have started it a little too soon. Since then smartphones and tablet PCs have only grown in popularity and use. Businesses are now starting to give their employees iPhones and iPads instead of Blackberries and laptops. The value here is in helping businesses learn how to sync their email, contacts, and calendars with Microsoft Exchange and Google Apps. For screen repair I normally refer people to CPR in Carmel.

    Bonus: Start an Import/Export Business

    If you have the connections, the capital, and don’t mind travel, this is an exciting business model that is similar to affiliate marketing in that you take a percentage of each sale you make. The primary difference is you’re normally dealing in wholesale amounts, which means the payouts can be bigger. The key to the import/export business is to look for opportunities where you can add value to the transaction. For example, you might have identified a farmer who operates 75% of a given market, but has no email account. By being the connection between the farmer (the manufacturer) and an e-commerce site, you can take a cut of the goods shipped. Another example is to look for countries that used to not trade with other countries that have had a change and now have started to trade openly. One example is Vietnam. The service you will provide is in developing first-of-its-kind relationships between vendors in the US and suppliers in Vietnam. You will have to find global shippers, learn the laws of their country and yours, and make sure your packages don’t get stuck in customs!

    If you read this, you might also be interested in 20 Good Business Ideas from 2011.

  • The Ichman – a Short Story

    A tale:

    Friends of Farley’s flocked around his feathered bed and gazed upon his shaven head. The boy had went to sleep with hair, but when he woke, no hair was there.

    The IchmanFarley looked around the room for suspects, but before he could find one prospect, his ears began to burn embarrassed – unjustly as he had been the one harassed.

    Despite his new contrived condition, he roused himself a healthy suspicion. “It had to be The Ichman!” he said, while standing on his feathered bed.

    The boys all gathered closer now, the only hair, his furrowed brow – they shrieked with fear as his face grew dark, the hiss of fate turned to a cowl.

    The morning sun now dark as night, the once bright sky now full of fright. The one they thought they knew so well, the one they’d spent each morning bell, had turned into a fiendish friend, whenever will this morning end?

    One thought remained so deep engrained that every breath brought closer death, they looked to run, they looked for grace, but all they saw was The Ichman’s face.

  • Jonathan Davis and His Dream of Doing Nothing

    #Fiction:

    Whenever anyone asked Jonathan Davis what he’d like to do or what he’d like to be, the answer was always the same, “Nothing.” But instead Jonathan would make up something just to satisfy the inquirer like, “watch TV,” “eat”, or “work in the air conditioning somewhere they have a dress code policy.”

    Dream of Doing NothingIt’s been said that a man will hit whatever he aims for, but so far Jonathan had never achieved his dream of doing nothing. So he quit.

    All of a sudden there was nothing to do so Jonathan began going on walks. On one particular walk he saw a man unloading wood from his truck. The man seemed like he could use some help, but Jonathan did not dare to ask. He was afraid the man might hire him.

    At home Jonathan would watch movies. He studied them with fervor the way a producer looks for inspiration on his next film. He used to make films, but it did not fit into his goal of doing nothing, so he quit.

    One day while walking to the Mexican restaurant he saw a poster for an upcoming concert. He remembered when he used to be in a band and how they decided to break up, each member going five completely separate ways as if they had to get as far away from each other as possible.

    The guitar sat unplaced in it’s case against the wall. One day Jonathan picked it up to play and noticed how much it hurt his fingers. “No matter,” he said to himself. “Playing guitar is not doing nothing.”

    One day Jonathan met a girl who said she could help him achieve his goal of doing nothing. She said she’d make his meals, do his laundry, and drive him to the Mexican restaurant. Jonathan loved chips and salsa so he married her.

    But Jonathan’s new wife also had a dream of doing nothing and wanted instead for Jonathan to do something about it. So Jonathan went to the man with the wood and he asked him for a job. “You didn’t help me when I needed you the most, why would I hire you now?”, he replied.

    So Jonathan went to his band mates (who all had been working) to ask if they had any openings. They all said, “Man, I don’t know you,” and closed the door in his face. “Strange how the door only opened from one side,” he thought.

    So he went home to his wife who was watching TV with dirty laundry spread around her feet. She asked what was for dinner and Jonathan replied, “Nothing.” He picked up his guitar and began to write a song, but nothing came to him. His belly was empty and his brain was blank. He looked at his wife and his heart, it did sank. He realized he’d achieved his life’s goal of nothing, but he didn’t realize how this goal would be such a rough thing.

    He stood up determined that this day was different. He made up his mind to live his life more fervent. He’d set up a goal and he’d stick his mind to it. He’d focus and overcome hurdles to do it. Nothing could stop him as long as he stayed strong. He would write a pop hit, it would be the most played song.

    “On my own, I see the world behind me,” he sang, “Now I know the path that is before me. I love her, I’ll stand up straight beside her, and when I see my fate I’ll never leave her.”