This is my attempt to tell you what I did on January 19, 2012 using only the language available in 1994:
I woke up this morning at 5:20, a full 10 minutes before the alarm clock on my dresser was to go off. My wife didn’t want the alarm to wake the baby so she told me to get up and turn it off before-hand. I checked the mail box before I left to see if I had any letters, but it was empty.
By 6:45 I was standing in the lobby of Sunshine Cafe at the corner of 116th and Meridian waiting for the BNI Network Masters meeting to start. It was my first meeting as an official member. I ordered biscuits and gravy, letting my wife know the cost by writing out a letter and dropping it in the mail to her.
At 9 AM I deposited a check into the bank through the drive-up window at the corner of 116th and Rangeline before driving to Southport. Again, I wrote a letter to my wife informing her of the deposit and dropped it in the mail. I arrived at my client’s office at 10 AM. I had zoned out and passed 31 and 37, having to double-back at Mann Road.
At the client’s office, I installed a battery backup to the server, a cable box for the TV, and a COM link on a PC. I then had my mouth filled with puddy to make a mold for a snoring appliance and almost puked on the pregnant hygienist. Then I went to Jack in the Box and waited in line long enough to decide to leave. It was 12:15 AM. I knew this because I looked at the clock in my car. While I was at Jack in the Box, I let all of my friends know I was there by sending out 75 post cards. Nobody wrote back.
I had a job interview at 1 so I drove towards it until I found a China Buffet. They only took cash so I had to drive to the bank and withdraw some cash. They had peppered chicken, but it had onions in it. The egg rolls were okay, but the crab ragun was dry. The soup was good, but they kept it in an open bowl that dried out the top and sludged over the cup when I poured it. I liked that they had soy sauce at the table. You paid after you ate, which delayed me some, but I arrived at the interview at 12:50.
I walked in the front door of the office, which looked like a shanty-town of workstations. A lady asked me what I was here for. I told her and then asked her what she did. She said she was the boss. She apparently was married to the boss, which also makes her the boss. She had brown hair. The HR lady came and got me, took me upstairs and I asked her how long she’d been married. She’s been married 6 months, the same amount of time she’s been an HR manager. I told them I had a fetish for visiting conference rooms. They laughed.
At 2 PM I found a payphone to call my wife. She asked me to buy laundry detergent at Sam’s Club. She had packed a picture of the detergent we use in my front pocket so I knew which type to get. After I left Sam’s Club I drove to a client’s house to look at their daughter’s PC.
No one was home when I arrived so I walked into the back door, which was open, and started working on the PC. It had many viruses. While I was working on the PC, the owners wife came home, waived, and took a miter saw into the garage for several minutes. She came back and said she was very cold. She also pointed out that I was wearing brown socks with black shoes and then proceeded to give me a pair of black socks. I did not put them on, but instead put them in my briefcase. She also gave me a banana. I felt bad eating it in front of her, but I did.
At 5 PM I traveled to a meeting where Gerry Dick was speaking so that I could get some free food. They had baked potato medallions with sour cream, mini-bagels with cheese and pineapple, miniature boneless chicken wings with ranch sauce, cornbread and cream cheese jelly squares, and celery. I ate a lot of celery. There was a Ukrainian woman there trying to sell me her services. I asked if her friend was from Ukraine too and she said, “No, Russia” inasmuch a way as you can spit a word. I sent another letter to my wife and then drove to another meeting.
I was having trouble finding the second meeting so I stopped and bought a map from the gas station. I had printed out the instructions with the address, but I still didn’t know how to get there. The map got me to the general vicinity, but all I could see was a high school so I parked and went inside. The room number was H321. I looked for a map on the wall of the school, but couldn’t find one. I did however find a table full of cheese and crackers, but being full from the previous meeting I left the group of people to their cake and punch.
The halls were all marked with letters. I saw A on the left and J on the right. I walked toward the J and found H. “I am close” I thought. I eventually found H, but only found rooms starting with 1 so i went upstairs. There the rooms only went to 2 so I went downstairs. I was getting very upset and willing to leave, but just then I found a map on the wall. The map confirmed that there was no room in this building called H321.
I then went to the local library and looked up the facility in a book. There I found a map of a second building that contained a room H321. I walked back to this other building, which was behind the high school and used the map on the wall to find the class room. The food looked like it had been provided by a concession stand going out of business. There were two single-serving potato chip bags, a large bag of Crunch and Munch, some bruised strawberries, and some blackberries. I put a little bit of all of it on my plate and sat down. It was 6 PM.