How France Came to be so French: A Brief History

“In general, when you value drinking wine and napping over a productive day at work you get farmers who hibernate over the winter and 35 hour work weeks, but specifically, the following explains how France went from leading the crusades in Europe and the Middle East to surrendering to Germany in World War II.

Around a thousand years ago the Turks view of their Muslim religion changed from one of peace to one more militant and so they decided to take over the Temple Mount in Jerusalem, which was being shared peacefully between Muslims, Jews, and Christians. French nobles (wealthy members of class, much like the 17 kings of Muncie) wanted to rescue Jerusalem from the Turks so they formed the Templars, rode out, and rooted the Turks (and all the other peaceful Muslims too since they were unable to tell them apart). Afterward, the Templars spent a couple of years digging under the mount (like me, that was their favorite thing to do after writing/routing Turks). Once they found King Solomon’s treasure, they headed back to France and started the banking industry. The King of France made them knights and the Pope recognized them as a state. The Knight Templars began loaning governments money and were considered the most powerful group on the planet. They invented checking accounts and insurance, but when King Phillip of France got behind on his bills, he needed to get rid of the Templars. The only way to do this was for the Pope to disband them. The current Pope wouldn’t do it, so Phillip had that Pope killed and installed his buddy, who did. The Templars were then captured, tortured, and killed, thereby leaving France with the legacy of not having to work to pay for anything, just kill people. That’s what the French Revolution was all about.”